yea, probably long time. but i don't care. it is a blog not for reading, but for a writing. long time i was need someone, who i can tell everything that is in my mind, but there is no such a person. no one is perfect listener, and no one can DO NOT use that listening against me or even... nevermind. so the better listener/reader is myself. maybe after all i will read this blog again and smile about it, but so far i just want to write it all. so...
...i even don't remember when all this shit got started. and even not sure if i have to tell this story from the very start. no, fuck no. will tell just the main. i have feelings...
about few days ago (last saturday i guess) i did drink a little so i thought i can get sleep easier. bcz usually there is a stuff my brain wants to think about right before sleep and... you know. so i actually got sleep much easier that day. but than Sarry come back and woke me up. and this time i couldn't get sleep so easy. and that moment my brain came up with one thesis. i wrote it on my ipad so now i will spend a little time to find it and transfer it into this text.
"Well, I am truly limited-minded. I am so stupid, that couldn't admit excitants of my own heart and feelings as well. Maybe it is a just drunk voice of my own, but it still has perfect sense. "
(i guess it was the first draft of self writing/reading)
so yeah. this pfrase( no idea how to spell this word) means what it means. for a very long time i was thinking about myself like about a person with a plit personality. not real, but very simple split - brain and heart. by brain i meant that i am trying to thinking logically, rationally and smart or whatever. but the main function of "brain" is to be an opponent of "heart". heart - as a way to think emotionally, to follow feellings and do what i want, not what i need. i think every person has this two sides, but not all did split them so much i did. idk, i think so.
and so for a very long time a thought that i have to follow b part, try to avoid h part as much as i can. bcz all the time when h part getting the rule of my mind - it is finishing a bad way. not always of course but... well and i am felling in love or just crashing in someone - it never succed and h part always getting very hurt and i am going into depression. so that is why i think i should avoid using h part.
but than i came up with this thesis upper. i think i have to do a little work, like an essay, to develop this thesis and maybe discover solution of my problems or vice versa - incorrectness of this thesis. yea, i defenetelly should, but got tired writing all this shit upper. hope to continue this text after and don't lose the point. next time will start right with the core, without all this background. hope so. and also hope that i will lose the needness of writing it. hope. see ya.
...i even don't remember when all this shit got started. and even not sure if i have to tell this story from the very start. no, fuck no. will tell just the main. i have feelings...
about few days ago (last saturday i guess) i did drink a little so i thought i can get sleep easier. bcz usually there is a stuff my brain wants to think about right before sleep and... you know. so i actually got sleep much easier that day. but than Sarry come back and woke me up. and this time i couldn't get sleep so easy. and that moment my brain came up with one thesis. i wrote it on my ipad so now i will spend a little time to find it and transfer it into this text.
"Well, I am truly limited-minded. I am so stupid, that couldn't admit excitants of my own heart and feelings as well. Maybe it is a just drunk voice of my own, but it still has perfect sense. "
(i guess it was the first draft of self writing/reading)
so yeah. this pfrase( no idea how to spell this word) means what it means. for a very long time i was thinking about myself like about a person with a plit personality. not real, but very simple split - brain and heart. by brain i meant that i am trying to thinking logically, rationally and smart or whatever. but the main function of "brain" is to be an opponent of "heart". heart - as a way to think emotionally, to follow feellings and do what i want, not what i need. i think every person has this two sides, but not all did split them so much i did. idk, i think so.
and so for a very long time a thought that i have to follow b part, try to avoid h part as much as i can. bcz all the time when h part getting the rule of my mind - it is finishing a bad way. not always of course but... well and i am felling in love or just crashing in someone - it never succed and h part always getting very hurt and i am going into depression. so that is why i think i should avoid using h part.
but than i came up with this thesis upper. i think i have to do a little work, like an essay, to develop this thesis and maybe discover solution of my problems or vice versa - incorrectness of this thesis. yea, i defenetelly should, but got tired writing all this shit upper. hope to continue this text after and don't lose the point. next time will start right with the core, without all this background. hope so. and also hope that i will lose the needness of writing it. hope. see ya.
